Being close to small lives.
My attitude towards time has changed since taking parental leave.

Hello, this is Kojima from the Coding Factory Department.
Our long-awaited first child was born in October 2017. From preparing for the birth to being present at the birth, I then embarked on full-fledged parental leave.
This is the second part of my parental leave series . I would like to write about the turbulent month I spent there, during which everything was new to me, and how my life changed so much just because one more person was added to my family. I also want to write about the changes in my work style that occurred after my parental leave ended.

Busy days preparing for maternity leave

Last July, I told my manager that I was going to have a baby, that my due date was around November, and we discussed childcare leave. Later in September, we discussed the documents I needed for childcare leave, the documents to submit to the maternity hospital, and the documents to submit to the government office.

No matter how much information you gather in advance, you won't know what actions to take until the time actually comes. Since my wife started going to the hospital, my sense of expectation and anxiety has been growing day by day.

Although I was in such an uneasy state of mind, the projects I had been working on before going on parental leave progressed smoothly and were delivered without any problems, which meant I was able to focus fully on my parental leave, which I felt was a great help.
I was able to finish my own project despite being in a situation where the baby could have been born at any time, and I was able to go from being the main project member to being a helper, and I am grateful to everyone, especially my manager, for their help.

As the days passed, I had to go to the city hall more and more, and before I knew it, the days passed by as I was busy processing application documents, completing procedures at the maternity hospital, and tidying up the house to welcome my child.

And then, finally, the time came.

Born safely on October 25, 2017 (Ichito). Comes with a Halloween hat.
After 25 hours of painful labour, we were relieved to find that both mother and child were safe.

Life on maternity leave

Realizing the amazingness of mothers and small lives

When I was pregnant with our child, I saw my wife suffering from morning sickness and I felt the difficulty and hardship of nurturing a life that a man cannot experience.

Also, when I finally met this new life that had been born after such a long journey, it was a moment that made me realize just how amazing life is, and how mysterious and irreplaceable the time it takes for a baby to grow from the size of a pea into a human form.

Kazutomo also did a great job during the 25 hours leading up to the birth.
When I heard the baby's first cry, I was overwhelmed with joy and relief.
He was breathing properly, and when he was on mommy's tummy he looked relieved, but when they separated he started crying, which made me realize that he was truly alive.
Even now, the fact that I have children feels strange to me.

Little did I know at the time that after experiencing such an emotional time, a grueling month was waiting for me...

So, here's a summary of how I typically spend a day after my first child is born.

Main daily schedule

Before the baby was born, my wife and I talked and decided to divide up the work.
In reality, the most difficult time would be during the night, so I was in charge of the night hours.
We each did the daytime and evening routines, my wife did the night routines, and I did the middle of the night routines (after midnight).
Based on this, it was discovered that, when viewed over a time period, it is actually harder work than work.
What I learned from trying it is that even though it seems like I have time for sleep, I don't!
Since women have to rest for a month after giving birth, I took care of all the laundry, cleaning, and meal preparation.

Kazutomo drinks milk for the first time since he was born.

How the mysterious existence of a "child" changes me

There are so many things I don't understand and I'm getting really stressed out.

I mean, it's only natural that I don't know since I have no experience, but to be honest, I have no idea!

Every day I think, "Huh, what should I do?"
Now I can tell by observing his behavior, but back then he would either cry or sleep, so it took me more than two weeks to understand why he was crying and what he needed.
I asked my friends and acquaintances for advice and help.

Since I had a child, I've realized how amazing it is to be a "mom" with two or more children. Even with just one child, it's a mess right now, so how do you manage to do everything? I admire you.

I'm worried about my family

At first, I had no idea what kind of stroller they were using, what kind of clothes they were wearing, or how much clothing they should wear for the temperature, so when we went to places where there were a lot of families, such as shopping malls, I kept staring at them (laughs).

The feeling of becoming a parent

To begin with, I had no idea what it would be like to become a parent, so it felt quite strange.

"I'll do anything for my children," is a phrase I've heard since before I became an adult. Until now, I thought that, although that may be true, I should also take care of myself. For example, I wanted to dress fashionably at a minimum. I wanted to go out to eat delicious food. I wanted to go listen to music. I naturally had such desires.

However, actually becoming a parent was different from what I had imagined. As someone who was present at the birth, many thoughts ran through my mind about how I had been waiting for you (Kazutomo), what process you had gone through to be born, and what kind of child you were before you were born. I felt that you were an extremely precious person to me, and that I would do anything for you. I didn't care about myself.

Your children are now your number one priority, above your own needs.

Because of this, I put more effort into my work and began to think more clearly than before about what I can do now, what I want to do in the future, and how I should work.

Changes in how work time is used

Changes in working hours

Our company has a flexible working system, so you can use your time however you like.
In the past, there were times when I would come to work during the day and leave at 10pm, but I can no longer do that.
This is because by the time I return to work, my child will have finished bathing and will be taking a bath with my parents, so bath time has changed from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m.

So now I get home by 8pm at the latest.
However, when the project situation becomes extremely difficult, I make sure to let my wife know in advance what time I will be home.
(I read in a book on child rearing that if you spend as much time as possible with your children, they will not become harsh towards you when they grow up, so I treasure the time I spend with them.)

The importance of time

Anyway, it's a long day.
Since I now wake up earlier and get home earlier, the way I use my time has changed.

I got into the habit of breaking down what I can do more clearly, such as what to do from what time to what time, and from what time to what duration. It was a good opportunity to learn the importance of time and how to use it both at work and in my personal life.

Since returning to work, I've noticed that I've become faster than before my maternity leave at separating out what I can and can't do, and what I will do and don't need to do, in order to use my time effectively.

If I have time to rest, I rest right away. When I have children, I have to do things in the 30 minutes or hour that they are sleeping, and if I don't sleep, I won't have time to sleep. If I'm not careful, I won't be able to sleep for a whole day, so I've started to use my time by doing what I can when I have time and taking a break while I can.

After maternity leave

The biggest benefit of my parental leave was getting to know my family better.
Because I couldn't find time to work at night, I started to think carefully about what was important at the time and use my time accordingly. I think this has laid a good foundation for my attitude towards work in the future.
Currently, I am looking for ways to make the most of the time before and after work, such as taking my son to nursery school in the morning and giving him a bath in the evening.